绽放
我要变成野花开在你身边
将我摘走吧在枯萎之前 — 戴娆 《绽放》
周末带宝子去上课的时候,竟然又听到了这首歌。上次听的时候应该是十年前了,眨眼间十几年竟然就过去了。那种轻松欢快的旋律,总是能让人心情变得更加的雀跃。
对我来说,绽放的年龄似乎依然是过去了,剩下的只有残花败柳,跟着时间一起变老。在老去的过程中也看到有的人的凋零,一个接着一个。上周的时候,同事神秘兮兮的说,公司有个哥们没了。说着拿手机给我看,我接过来,在他的朋友圈看到一条消息:『***因为心脏问题,医治无效去世,将在**举行告别仪式……』
看到这条消息的时候,内心并没有太大的波动。这几年,已经看着好多的人凋零,同村的邻居,自己的亲人,自己的同事,还有网上的名人。
昨天晚上对象说,下午看说什么张雪峰的头像变灰了,后面好像又给换回来了。我上网搜了一下,最开始看到的是张的助理说不清楚,合伙人说无可奉告。后来去微博搜的时候,就看到了张的微博账号发的讣告,的确是心脏问题去世了。
张还说自己跑马拉松什么的,身体没问题,网友都不见得能跑过他。然而,这他也没跑赢心脏病。看完消息之后,我一度都想直接买个aed放在家里了。不过对象说不至于,没啥必要。
张雪峰比我大一些,另外一个去世的同事比我大的更多一些。如果身体不好,看来真的不适合当牛马。而至于运动,真的能提高寿命吗?可能也没什么必然的相关性,有的疾病可能没有什么症状,而等到发病的时候,身体素质好的人可能存活的机会更少。身体素质不好的,可能会被拖垮但是不至于要命。当然,也有人说,锻炼是为了更体面的离开。身体拖垮了,可能就只剩下苟延残喘,没有质量的生活。
总是觉得来生还长,似乎有的是时间。现在看来,很多的人时间并没有那么多。或许正在绽放的时候,就被意外给消灭了。相比生命来说,其他的也就没那么重要了。钱多钱少,只要能活的开心就好了。体验生活,享受生活,才是关键,总是让自己活的不后悔才是对的。
很久之前刷短视频,看到一款个别假的手链。前几天又刷到了,去淘宝下了单买了四条,原价12块钱,最后实际花了3块钱。快递到了之后,带回家,对象看到说:『你真无聊,这有什么好玩的啊』
『没什么好玩的啊,我就是喜欢那种很假的感觉。』我答到。
我喜欢的是ta的视觉效果 ,有个角度看过去特别假。感觉都不想这个世界的东西。有时候买这些乱七八糟的小玩意儿,也会上瘾。可能买来不会戴,但是买的时候还是挺开心的。有时候也会买特别廉价的衣服神马的,并且买的衣服也真的不会穿出去。
有时候也挺矛盾的,这一身加起来不到100块钱,然而,周一去加油,大半箱油就花掉了300。加几次一辆电动车出来了,这还是里程数不多的情况下。粉皮每年花的钱,比我花的钱多多了。这么一向,感觉也挺无语。拍写真都够好多套了,不过下次拍,争取把十斤体重先减下来。跳绳的时候想到这些天天运动还猝死的,有感觉有那么一丝丝凉意。运动并不会使人长寿,健康也不会使人长寿,但是,我还是喜欢健康苗条。
最近事情的确有点多,一点点的堆积着都没来得及处理。工行发短信,说新信用卡已经到了营业厅了,但是却一直没去取。偶然想起来小时候吃的牛杂汤,忽然就很想吃。然而,美团、高德搜了一圈都没找到能吃牛杂的地方。想从二手东买,买回来自己加工,对象表示这个东西可能就你自己吃,买那么多也不合适,还是找个地方出去吃罢。
只是,到现在还没找到一个能吃牛杂的地方。周日带宝子去吃罐罐米线的时候,看到万达边上有一个牛杂店,好几天了,却还是没有来的及去。每天中午回家去消灭宝子姥姥在周末包的水饺,荠菜的,韭菜的。每次怕不够吃都会包很多,虽然很好吃,但是为了控制体重,剩下的水饺到现在已经吃了三天了,还有一些在冷冻上,明天不能再吃了,想去吃牛杂了。有的时候,那种记忆真的是刻在了骨子里。熟悉的味道,总是能让人感慨良多。而闺蜜圈的新版本发布,总是一波三折。华为的商户资质,三星的各种材料提交,总是有无数的关卡卡在前面,有时候也在想,不如放弃吧,反正也不挣钱,自己用也够了。
原本,今天似乎能有点空闲时间。然而,早上到公司拉代码的时候,发现移动硬盘坏了,mac 能识别磁盘,但是挂载不了,尝试急救失败。
Checking if the parent's minkey can be updated... error: btn: oid (854310), xid (36994), type (0x40000003), subtype (0xb), flags (0x4) level (1) error: btn: unable to repair minkey Object map is invalid. ** The volume /dev/rdisk5s1 with UUID 381DE7AB-BD78-4F75-879C-0E618699D213 was found to be corrupt and cannot be repaired. ** Verifying allocated space. warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcfef0+17, xid 36987) which overlaps with existing range (0xcfef1+1) warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcfef0+17, xid 36987) which overlaps with existing range (0xcfefb+1) warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcff16+9, xid 36987) which overlaps with existing range (0xcff16+1) warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcff16+9, xid 36987) which overlaps with existing range (0xcff1a+1) warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcff16+9, xid 36987) which overlaps with existing range (0xcff1c+1) warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcff22+1, xid 36987) which overlaps with existing range (0xcff22+1) warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcff2c+3, xid 36987) which overlaps with existing range (0xcff2d+1) warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcff30+3, xid 36987) which overlaps with existing range (0xcff31+1) warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcff45+2, xid 36987) which overlaps with existing range (0xcff45+1) warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcff4c+1, xid 36987) which overlaps with existing range (0xcff4c+1) warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcffcc+3, xid 36987) which overlaps with existing range (0xcffcd+1) warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcffcc+3, xid 36987) which overlaps with existing range (0xcffce+1) warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcfe0f+11, xid 36988) which overlaps with existing range (0xcfe13+1) warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcfe22+12, xid 36988) which overlaps with existing range (0xcfe24+1) warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcfe22+12, xid 36988) which overlaps with existing range (0xcfe25+1) warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcfe60+1, xid 36988) which overlaps with existing range (0xcfe60+1) warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcfe85+1, xid 36988) which overlaps with existing range (0xcfe85+1) warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcfe96+3, xid 36988) which overlaps with existing range (0xcfe98+1) warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcff12+2, xid 36988) which overlaps with existing range (0xcff13+1) warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcfe1c+1, xid 36989) which overlaps with existing range (0xcfe1c+1) warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcfe36+1, xid 36989) which overlaps with existing range (0xcfe36+1) warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcfe3e+1, xid 36989) which overlaps with existing range (0xcfe3e+1) warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcfe57+2, xid 36989) which overlaps with existing range (0xcfe57+1) warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcfea9+3, xid 36989) which overlaps with existing range (0xcfeab+1) warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcfebe+1, xid 36989) which overlaps with existing range (0xcfebe+1) warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcfee3+1, xid 36989) which overlaps with existing range (0xcfee3+1) warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcff2f+1, xid 36989) which overlaps with existing range (0xcff2f+1) warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcffd8+3, xid 36989) which overlaps with existing range (0xcffd9+1) warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcfd9e+3, xid 36990) which overlaps with existing range (0xcfd9f+1) warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcfd9e+3, xid 36990) which overlaps with existing range (0xcfda0+2) warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcfe6e+1, xid 36990) which overlaps with existing range (0xcfe6e+1) warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcfee6+1, xid 36990) which overlaps with existing range (0xcfee6+1) warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcff29+1, xid 36990) which overlaps with existing range (0xcff29+1) warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcfdc9+1, xid 36991) which overlaps with existing range (0xcfdc9+1) warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcfe11+1, xid 36991) which overlaps with existing range (0xcfe0f+11) warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcfda1+1, xid 36992) which overlaps with existing range (0xcfd9e+4) warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcfdb5+1, xid 36992) which overlaps with existing range (0xcfdb5+1) warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcfe4e+1, xid 36992) which overlaps with existing range (0xcfe4e+1) warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcfe66+1, xid 36992) which overlaps with existing range (0xcfe66+1) warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcfe88+1, xid 36992) which overlaps with existing range (0xcfe88+1) warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcff41+1, xid 36992) which overlaps with existing range (0xcff41+1) warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcfe40+1, xid 36993) which overlaps with existing range (0xcfe40+1) warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcfeda+1, xid 36993) which overlaps with existing range (0xcfeda+1) warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcff6c+1, xid 36993) which overlaps with existing range (0xcff6c+1) warning: found spaceman free queue tree entry (0xcff7b+1, xid 36993) which overlaps with existing range (0xcff7a+2) ** Performing deferred repairs. error: Unable to perform deferred repairs without full space verification ** The container /dev/rdisk5 could not be verified completely.
尝试各种修复方式,最终都以失败告终,apfs看来也不咋靠谱。只能格式化硬盘,重新拉代码,重新配置运行环境,拉代码大半天时间竟然就没了。
只是,退堂鼓一向,内心又觉得不甘。应该让她绽放的,辛辛苦苦的折腾到现在,总是不想功亏一篑。好好的东西,夭折了,也的确不是我的风格。
如果按照所谓的平均寿命,现在看来,正是如花似玉的年龄。该绽放就绽放吧,哪怕花开的有些晚了,也是总要开的。
